Shattered thoughts

Shattered were my thoughts from yesterday's blog. I guess I spoke too soon and jinxed things.

It started with the morning routine going fine, until I waved good-bye to him as he left on the school bus; came to pick up dishes at the kitchen, and noticed he had not taken his medications.

I called the teacher to make her aware of this and to please watch for any unusual mood swings. I kept my phone close all day. Whew! No calls from school. Turns out he seems to have done well both at school and at daycare.

I suppose he was just waiting for me. Waiting to be himself and waiting to show his true colors at home. Yes, I'm more than certain other parents know what I'm talking about. Puppy comes home after a pleasant drive and, bam! He walks in the door and those mood swings I was hoping to avoid came pouring out.

Puppy was upset. I don't know what triggered this anger. He really didn't give me much notice. But it was here and loud. Puppy was angry and his first outlet is cussing. I see him and he looks like a lion with his chest out and shoulders back and the look on his face is not one I like. I do worry, but my worries are not the same as other times. I am fully aware of how this dance is going to go. He is mimicking what he's seen and this anger is not an actual emotion he is experiencing. I know this is not easy to follow, but stay with me.

My guess is Puppy is home and already bored. So his mind begins to wonder. He sees the computer station in the hallway and is angered that I have put a password on it that prevents him from using it. And if you are reading between the lines, I had to do this to keep him from searching websites he should not be watching. He discovered that he can type a word by sounding it out and Google will correct his spelling. Wow!

Puppy has even learned how to search Google on my iPhone. But even more surprising, he has learned how to delete his searches. Yep, he's very observant. He saw me clear it only once.

And the moments go by with him screaming and hitting his head and punching a wall (no hole this time) and the only thing that angers him more is me ignoring him. But this is also the only thing that makes him calm down enough to regain my attention. His apologies follow and he is calm without any serious injury. My patience has paid off. Our evening is back to quiet and pleasant. I can get used to this. And even though this calmness is not always here, it is here enough to enjoy each other's company. Gotta love Puppy. He's unique, he's Puppy.

A good day all day

Ah yes. It’s amazing how some days are like day and night. After the stress from Tuesday’s events, Puppy woke up on Wednesday with a smile on his face and his squeaks. That’s the only way I know he’s not grumpy. A squeak in the morning is music to my ears. After getting dressed for school he came down for breakfast and asked if he was in trouble and if his teacher was going to be angry. I wish there was a magic pill he could take to wipe away his bad experiences and only keep the good ones. I did my best to explain that he already had his consequences and that he was starting a new day. He took a deep breath and said he was done misbehaving.

He had his final day at middle school and celebrated with pizza and cake.  It was a good day all day. Morning, afternoon and evening seemed to go by without a hitch. He was well behaved, helpful with laundry, did well during his therapy session. He showered before bedtime, and all was followed by the sound of silence.

Although I know that he probably thinks he’s being sincere with his apologies, this is all a part of autism. We've been down this road before and he can go days without a tantrum or cuss word, but I cannot forget that there are constant triggers that even he is unaware of which will take him to another place. It may be that he safely goes on a verbal tantrum; but it’s a possibility that he might be looking to have a more physical connection such as picking up buds or an empty box of cigarettes from the floor. I just hope he keeps safe without hurting himself. 

The threat

Tuesday evening was not so smooth. Puppy had done great through his speech therapy with Joe.  After their session they went over the rules that come along with keeping his wallet in his pocket.  I had explained earlier to Joe that the wallet was beginning to have less value to Puppy, and we were going to need another way to get his attention. Well, I wasn't expecting what he said next. He explained that the next time he had a tantrum or misbehaved, he would be coming over to shave off his mustache. And so it was said out loud.  Puppy continued to say everything Joe wanted to hear and their session was over.

It almost seemed as if Puppy waited for Joe to turn the corner and out of sight before he came to me and tells me he found an empty box of cigarettes on the sidewalk and has no intentions of throwing it away. We talked it out and I was not successful. Puppy’s anxiety was escalating and I saw the signs.  I sent Joe a text to please come back.  I waited outside for Joe as Puppy ran upstairs and running around as if looking for a hiding place for both the box and his wallet. And then he waited at the door for Joe.

Once he set eyes on Joe he started cussing and throwing punches at him. Thankfully, Joe is a professional whom has years of experience in handling these same situations and he quickly took control of Puppy and restrained him as he talked him into a calm state. Then the process of following through with the threat was placed into motion. Although Puppy cried a bit, he remained under control and his mustache was shaved off. He apologized and said he knew he did several things that were against the rules and that he was not going to do them again.