Implusive Behavior

Has your child ever done something...out of simple impulse? I bet the answer is, "yes, everyday". Why do you think they did it? They did because it's an autism related characteristic just like echolalia or stimming, as well as being an ADHD behavior.

And what is an implusive act?

Impulsivity (or impulsiveness) is a multifactorial construct that involves a tendency to act on a whim, displaying behavior characterized by little or no forethought, reflection, or consideration of the consequences.

I touch on this today because I was imagining myself as a young child doing impulsive acts and getting in trouble. Of course I was always reminded, "you know better."  But does a child with autism "know better"? 

I can tell my son, "don't do that, you know better." But Puppy will probably it again, and again. There is no thought going into the action or behavior. And I'm going to say that Puppy definitely is not thinking about the consequences.

I'm including a link to a webpage I found that gives excellent examples and definitions of impulsive behaviors in children, any child.

The Child with Attention Problems - Impulsive Behaviours

Lets' give our kids the benefit of the doubt that there may not have been any specific reason for their impulsive behavior and remember this when handing out consequences.

However, as parents we need to teach, teach and teach with patience, there may be consequences.

New behavior training

Since March of this year I hired a guy with experience in working with special needs kids at our school district. Joe was hired to work directly with Puppy on his behaviors.  It even started with a really big bang, too.  On day one, Puppy felt the male presence in his space and acted on it. He had a meltdown that first day.  And I was told to expect it and told it may happen a few times before he gets comfortable with having him in his home. But since Joe was able to handle the situation well and without hurting him, Puppy came around quickly.

As time went by, I saw a dramatic change in Puppy. He seemed happier and was more responsive to instructions.  He seemed to start letting himself take in the world around him in a different way, with eyes wide open.

On our second month, the lessons took a turn. I became the student. I was taught how to speak to Puppy. I learned to use a firm voice, minimum words, give clear instructions, and show no fear.  And it worked. Puppy must have noticed I was mimicking Joe and understood to follow through as if Joe were talking to him.

However, even though Puppy was having continuous days of good behavior without tantrums, his obsessions never took a back seat. They were very present and we did what seemed to be the next necessary step, we removed all wallets from his possession. He was given until the end of the regular school year (which was about a month) to keep good behaviors and be compliant with his chores and schoolwork in order to get a wallet. This would be a new wallet because all the others were taken away and given to the homeless shelter.  

Yet, being without a wallet took a toll on him. He turned to his obsession of cigarettes. He was always searching the sidewalks and trashcans for the empty boxes, or sometimes he got lucky and there was one or two in a box. He even took to stealing them from the neighbors. Yes, lucky us…we have smokers all around us. I was constantly checking his pockets and drawers. He never took a break and my need to keep steady watch on him was tiring.

The end of the school year finally arrived and he was hyped. We talked about following rules for the last couple of weeks leading up to the day. He could repeat all those rules and convincingly promise to do no wrong. I waited until the Saturday after to take him to Kohl’s so he could pick this one and only wallet that will remain in his possession for the rest of his years until it is too old and ugly to use. He picked the perfect wallet and we had a new kid. He seemed complete and happy. I felt so good being able to fill that void he had. And that was when our lives went back to how they were before, but with better behaviors.

Damn Obsessions (Final)

Okay, I dragged it out and for some reason I'm not making time to finish this story off.  I'm going to cut to the chase and ignore the details. Here we go.

Puppy went next door in the evening of the 8th to play with the kids since they were in the backyard. The family was cooking out and let him in. There were a few family guests there and all seemed to be going well. I had told Puppy to come home early because he wasn't invited for the cookout and to my surprise he complied and was home around 7 P.M. Then he asked if he could go to his room and rest then shower. I wasn't going to disagree and so the evening ended on a good note.

The next morning he was up at his usual 7 A.M. and dressed. He wanted to go outdoors but isn't allowed to unless I'm watching him. When a few hours went by and we had gone through our morning routines, he comes inside and sits across from me.  He says he has to tell me something and is looking at my face for an expression. I see his eyes moving back and forth as if taking a hundred pictures. I try to make my expressions as exaggerated as possible so he can tell the difference, and he's caught on pretty well. So first of all I'm as calm as can be to make sure he confides in me. Then he hits me with the information that he has another box of cigarettes. He's been picking them off the ground for years. He asks if I want to see it and hands it to me with a grip on it so I need to pull it from him. He quickly says it's his and wants it back. Surprise! THIS box has eleven cigarettes in it!! I can only imagine he swiped it off a table at the neighbor's the night before.

I talked to him about right and wrong and very wrong and super duper wrong. I may as well been talking to the wall because he just kept shaking his head and asking for the box back because they were his, in his eyes. I hid the box during his pacing back and forth and managed to keep it away from him permanently.

My son, the cigarette snatcher, picker upper. This damn obsession is so strong and overwhelming to him. I wish there was an on and off switch. I am open for any advice.

Handle with care

It looks like we may be hanging out at my sister’s for a few more days. I just got the quote for the new unit I need to purchase…ugh! So with that said, it means more cold cereal breakfasts and dinners, yummy. It’s not bothering Puppy though. He was next door on Monday and came back to ask for permission to go to Whataburger with his cousins, so I gave him money and sent him to have a warm meal with some good company. He came back with a full stomach and happy, and was ready to comply with instructions for shower time followed by bedtime.

My little boy is growing up.  I love when he wants to go places, without me. I don’t mean it in a bad way; I just didn’t think I would be letting him go anywhere alone on account of him having so many mood swings. I worry for him and also the person(s) he’s with.  How would they handle a tantrum or meltdown? Would it be so terrible and unfamiliar to others that they may call the police? So many questions run through my mind at all hours of the day; mostly when he’s away from me.  But, I need to let him grow up and I realize the importance of giving him independence.  I just wish I could put a sign on him that says “handle with care”. 

Understanding long term goals

I don’t know if I’m imagining it, or if Puppy actually understands something about having his ultimate desired prize.  His obsession with having a wallet is taking him to a place that he hadn’t been before. Making decisions that will be permanent or long term has never been a part of his world. Yet, this morning he was talking with me and he was repeating phrases he’s heard a hundred times. But this time he spoke them in with an order and accepting manner.

“Mom, I’m not going to carry anything in my pockets. Those are the rules. I need to concentrate and focus in school. I need to behave and count the days. No more paper wallets. No paper. I will get my wallet on my birthday. It will be the perfect wallet that I want. We will go to Kohl’s and buy it if I have good behavior a lot of days until my birthday. I will keep it for a long time like my uncle and Grandpa. I cannot be changing. I can only have one wallet.”

I have waited for this day to come…and whether he meant it or not, it was music to my ears. He has been listening all this time. I was very proud of him for being able to put those thoughts together. I still caught on that it was part of his 24/7 obsession with wallets and therefore, by talking about wallets he is probably feeding his need in one way or another. He doesn’t have one on him, but it is forever on his mind. What a strong distraction it is. I am even more proud of him for living with the ups and downs that surround his obsession.

Instincts

I read something interesting today that I wanted to share.

-- Phil Schwarz, Vice-President,
Asperger's Association of New England wrote about ABA teaching methodologies:

"These teaching methodologies work beautifully for some autistic kids, to teach them to learn how to learn. They do so precisely because they leverage the children's specifically autistic strengths:  good memory, attention to detail, attention to patterns and to the continuation and breakage of patterns. They also break cognitive steps down into units that can be tuned to match the children's cognitive and sensory bandwidth and attention span -- both at the outset and as they increase over time."  Please look him up if you want to see his "defense" for ABA teachings.

I only wanted to post the definition he wrote because it brought me to a place where I am further understanding my son and his lack of instinct.  I already know that our days are consumed with teaching, "teaching him how to learn."

But what happens when he "learns" poor behaviors from his peers then finds it difficult to understand why his mom keeps telling him not to do it?  Someone else did it, why can't he do the same?  Puppy has no instinct to know much of what is right and what is wrong until he learns about it, and usually the hard way.

Also, he doesn't usually show interest to play with the other kids.  Mostly it's because unless he is taught to catch and throw a ball, basketball, baseball, etc., it's all Greek to him.  I sometimes forget to remember this small factor myself.  I hope that now since I wrote about it, I'll be more alert and not so quick to correct him for the chance that he did not know.