Progress

It's another Monday. The days are just flying by and I don't know how to slow them down. I feel like Puppy is rushing to get to a place where he will be all he can be. No, nothing serious like joining the Army or anything, just seems like he becoming a little bit more independent and not needing me so much anymore.

He's always one step ahead of me and searching for more. Puppy is doing pretty well in class and even his behaviors at home have improved.  He is able to talk himself out of a situation, he will verbally scold himself for cussing, and the self-injury has been greatly reduced. Puppy is very aware of his actions and behaviors that he has even fallen into his daily routines like a fine tuned instrument.

It sure feels great to write about Puppy and he's progress. Positive progress!

New behavior training

Since March of this year I hired a guy with experience in working with special needs kids at our school district. Joe was hired to work directly with Puppy on his behaviors.  It even started with a really big bang, too.  On day one, Puppy felt the male presence in his space and acted on it. He had a meltdown that first day.  And I was told to expect it and told it may happen a few times before he gets comfortable with having him in his home. But since Joe was able to handle the situation well and without hurting him, Puppy came around quickly.

As time went by, I saw a dramatic change in Puppy. He seemed happier and was more responsive to instructions.  He seemed to start letting himself take in the world around him in a different way, with eyes wide open.

On our second month, the lessons took a turn. I became the student. I was taught how to speak to Puppy. I learned to use a firm voice, minimum words, give clear instructions, and show no fear.  And it worked. Puppy must have noticed I was mimicking Joe and understood to follow through as if Joe were talking to him.

However, even though Puppy was having continuous days of good behavior without tantrums, his obsessions never took a back seat. They were very present and we did what seemed to be the next necessary step, we removed all wallets from his possession. He was given until the end of the regular school year (which was about a month) to keep good behaviors and be compliant with his chores and schoolwork in order to get a wallet. This would be a new wallet because all the others were taken away and given to the homeless shelter.  

Yet, being without a wallet took a toll on him. He turned to his obsession of cigarettes. He was always searching the sidewalks and trashcans for the empty boxes, or sometimes he got lucky and there was one or two in a box. He even took to stealing them from the neighbors. Yes, lucky us…we have smokers all around us. I was constantly checking his pockets and drawers. He never took a break and my need to keep steady watch on him was tiring.

The end of the school year finally arrived and he was hyped. We talked about following rules for the last couple of weeks leading up to the day. He could repeat all those rules and convincingly promise to do no wrong. I waited until the Saturday after to take him to Kohl’s so he could pick this one and only wallet that will remain in his possession for the rest of his years until it is too old and ugly to use. He picked the perfect wallet and we had a new kid. He seemed complete and happy. I felt so good being able to fill that void he had. And that was when our lives went back to how they were before, but with better behaviors.

Ups and Downs

We are still hanging on. On to what? I don't know...my sanity, hope, heart maybe.

The last month has been rather difficult. I can't put my finger on it, so I can't fix it, or help it to be better.

Since the last time I wrote, we now have four new holes in the walls of our home. Two smoke detectors are hanging from wires on the ceilings. The tantrums are here and don't appear to be minimizing.

Actually, I think because we are trying something differently, Puppy may be expressing his dislike to the change.

I'll try to get back on here to blog about these changes. Wish us luck.

Back to a routine, sort of...

The new school year has begun and we were both more than ready to get going. I was more than eager to get Puppy back into a routine, but mostly back to a structured classroom setting and the reminder of rules.

But as I'm sure you know, sometimes life throws some bumps on the road. Our air conditioning has been out for two weeks now. We are fortunate to be able to camp out at my sister's home, with A/C, DirecTV, and a washer and dryer. Did I mention my washer has been broken for almost three months now? Probably not since I hadn't been blogging.

But these little bumps on the road have sort of gotten me into a blah state of mind and I have only been able to focus on the present. I try to take it one day at a time and don't expect much so I won't be disappointed. The setbacks on with the A/C have been unpredictable and I just want to go home. As for Puppy, he mentioned he misses home, but he's liking the fact that he goes next door to play with his cousins in the evenings. It's not easy keeping an only child entertained at home.

Speaking of, I better go pick him up from daycare.

Just saying

Let me start by saying, “This weekend wore me out.” I know some of you who know me and even spent time with me this weekend won’t understand. You’ll think that I took Puppy to my parents’ house and he did just fine, so why am I complaining and whining? It’s what happens behind closed doors and in our own home, and in our drives to and from here and there that are exhausting, stressful, tiring, worrisome, and even overwhelming.

Puppy has been having some strange behaviors lately. I’m blaming it a several things. One, his summer school class had to share a classroom with another group of students, so distraction and new observations took place for those four weeks. Two, even though he’s back with a familiar daycare, his routine was changed.  Three, the end of summer school was this past Thursday.  Four, he just now got the idea that he won’t go to school for a several days, but it’s actually about 6-7 weeks, I haven’t checked the school calendar for the return date. Five, going through puberty and being a teenager suck. Six, the heat and multiple days of 100 degrees as an average has not allowed him to spend those outdoor hours like he wants.  And seven, he had lower braces put in on Friday, too.

His observation skills are always at their best. So remember when I said he was recording bad words into his Mp3 a few weeks ago? Now he’s constantly saying bad words any chance he gets, any little disagreement with him triggers the mouth to spill the colorful words in both languages until he gets tired or causes self injury and distracts himself. There’s no such thing as time out because he’s outgrown it and doesn’t comply. I don’t spank him for fear he will repeat the actions since he mimics everything. And I kept myself from slapping him a million times because I know that’s abuse, plus he has braces, I see images in my head of the damage that a slap can do.  Spanking and slaps were okay when I was growing up, but now its considered abuse. Just saying.

Puppy is used to having his wallet taken away whenever he has unwanted behavior. So now he just puts it in my nightstand drawer whenever he misbehaves. He doesn’t even wait for me to ask for it. Then after an hour or longer, maybe even a day goes by, when he’s calmed down and, apologized he goes to retrieve it.

And the braces…since he had the lower braces put in place this last Friday – in almost three days Puppy has managed to wiggle his tongue in between his teeth and the wire that is on the brackets and pulled the wire out of place about nine times; and counting. Aside from learning how to put the wire back into place without light, but rather by touch, I have also learned another lesson; no more dental visits on Fridays. Just saying.

The repeating, the repeating, the repeating. Not only was Puppy repeating the foul language, he was repeating his request for hugs to Ms. H all week long. He was repeating he was going to behave because he wants presents and a birthday party in two weeks. He was repeating, "Where's Cody?" (our dog) a gazillion times.  Need I say more? Don't ask me to repeat this, please.

Today, Sunday, we woke up later than usual, which was no surprise since we went to bed at 1:30 A.M. the night before. So we stayed home and he was so anxious to leave and go somewhere, usually to my parents' so he can be outdoors. The stress of being home makes Puppy go stir crazy sometimes. Being bored caused him to cuss and then made him look for ways to upset and anger me. He went to make his cigarette box and paper cigarettes. I still pat myself on the back at how easily I can have the upper hand on knowing what he's doing when he thinks he's being so secretive. It always shocks him when I mention I know what he did. This happened twice on just Sunday alone.  He threw all his paper stuff away and apologized like always, and life went on. And we did finally go to my parents' in the mid-afternoon.

So yes, it was a long rough weekend whenever Puppy and I spent our quality time together. But actually, to be more specific, it was tantrum after tantrum and maybe a meltdown too during the last couple of weeks. I just didn't feel like writing about tantrums because it seems like I'm re-living them.  Just saying.

No news

Well my laptop seems to be dead. My brother says he might have an extra laptop he can bring down on his next visit, yeah!

Things are finally getting to a "back to normal" stage if that's even possible. But I'm mostly referring to me and work.

Overall, when it comes to Puppy, he's doing just fine these days and hasn't given me too much to write about. He finished his swimming lessons and did pretty good, and even better than I expected. He has gone back to his old daycare and the director has total control, so no mention of even the slightest tantrum while there in the afternoons.

And when it comes to our time at home...he's been struggling with repeating names and phrases. It bothers me, and also seems to catch up to him that he asks me permission to stop repeating until I remind him he all the control to do so.

I'll try to post a little more, but I might have to make stuff up because we've been awfully boring these last couple of weeks, haha. :-)

Happy Anniversary!

A year ago was a busy time for Puppy and me.  I was at a place where I had so much confusion and worry. The daycare that Puppy had been attending for after school care had just notified me that the since Puppy was turning 13 years old, he was too old for the center. I was visiting a couple of new daycare places throughout the week; and we were inviting a new person into our lives and our home. Go back in time to see how busy and crazy things were at Changing daycare facilities. 

Ms. H was the brave soul to enter through the front door with intentions of working as Puppy’s PCS (personal care services) provider, and in reality she has become the next person of only about three whom completely understand Puppy with all his good and bad days, happy and angry times, tantrums and meltdowns and the self-injury. Ms. H would be focused on Puppy’s best interests, and finding her, someone who knew what she was getting into and would be able to handle the unpredictability that comes with the disorder…well, she was Heaven sent.

Monday, June 6, 2011, was so long ago and yet a year has come and gone. Here’s a brief recap of our meeting in Monday finally came.  After just one month of what seemed longer, we sat down and I asked her if she was comfortable and if she saw herself continuing to be my support. She said yes and that she didn’t foresee any problems.  I was so glad to hear that, that I pointed out to her there was a fine-print clause in her contract which said the job was for life. I wish I could have taken a picture of her reaction; it was a surprise and a little confusing to her because I'm sure she didn't understand at the moment it was a joke to break the ice. But as time goes by, our time together has been priceless. I wouldn’t change a thing. And I definitely wouldn’t seek for a substitute for Ms. H, because honestly, there is no one else like her. We still joke about her staying with us for life and I think she even tells her friends she has a job for life. I'm so glad we are still together and I dedicate this post to her.

I want to wish Ms. H a Happy Anniversary from Puppy and me. I am grateful to you for all you do and for putting up with both Puppy and me, but mostly I treasure what a wonderful friend you are to me. Thank you.

The good, the bad and the ugly

Titles for my posts don't always come easy, but this one did because this is exactly how our days have been lately. I suppose I'll take it from the top.

The good...  Ms. H came over the other day last week as part of our daily routines. Last week was also the final days of the regular school year. She was already looking ahead for ideas of how to keep herself and her 6 year old son occupied during the summer break and signed him up for Tae-kwon-do and swimming lessons.

Well, my ears went into alert mode and I wondered if maybe Puppy might be interested in swimming lessons, too. So, interested or not, I called up the instructor and briefly informed her he has autism and she was willing to give it a try. That's all I needed and signed him up.  Ms. H has been doing a fantastic job of watching over him in the afternoons, picking him up at my parents' after the school bus drops him off from summer school, then taking him to swimming lessons, then keeping him at her place until I get out of work. Routine is in place and all is well...so far.

The bad...  Puppy spent about an hour on Sunday at our neighbor's. Their family consists of the dad, mom, two boys and a girl, all younger than Puppy. But nonetheless, he went over like he usually does every once in a blue moon. Well he comes back and is very quiet, greets me and races upstairs to his bedroom. He was awfully quiet for a good while before coming back downstairs and then he started pacing.  He looked for a piece of paper and pencil (but a purple crayon did just fine), brought it over to me and asked, “How do you write present?” I spelled it for him and he wrote it down then walked away.  I thought to myself that he may be making a list of gifts he wants for his birthday next month. So he’s pacing and then stops next to me again. He asked me if he can show me something, and I say yes. He pulls out the piece of paper and hands it to me.

I read it and I ask him if that’s the present he wants. He whispers to me, “No mom, that’s what Mr. Segovia gave me. It’s old and he doesn’t want it, he has a new one.” I could feel my blood drain to my feet. And strangely it went rising right back up to my head in anger. But I wasn’t sure whom to be angry with, Mr. Segovia for giving Puppy something he likes or Puppy for taking it when he clearly knows he shouldn’t have one. It wasn’t easy to defend Puppy because clearly our neighbor didn’t know giving him a wallet was a no-no.

 

The ugly…  Well, every day since the first day of swimming lessons, Puppy says he doesn’t want to go swimming. But then Ms. H talks to him and convinces him to go and he does just fine.  The other ugly is the unnecessary debates we have on a daily basis both in the morning before school and in the evenings when I pick him up. Debates about why his teacher doesn’t allow him to carry anything in his pockets; about why he can’t go buy the wallet he really wants now and not wait for his birthday; about why he can’t have an itouch/ipod, everyone else has one; about why he can’t take the wallet the neighbor gave him to school; about why he doesn’t like his MP3 player so much anymore, etc., etc…

It’s not so pretty. I get headaches. I search for answers. I find none. I take it one day at a time.

First baseball practice

So one of the support groups I belong to has decided to create a summer activity for our kids but with the help of a councilman, she has received some funding to make it a citywide event for any and all special needs children between the ages of 3 to 21 years to join. Registration was two weeks ago and I saw about 20-30 children were signed up. Practices are scheduled for late June, but there was discussion about making two practice teams, one for those who live on the North side of the city and one for those on the South side. So to get feedback and a division of children and families, there was a quick meeting Wednesday evening at the park not too far from our subdivision.

Batter up! 

I picked up Puppy from after school care and hurried over to the park. There were already about 15 kids there and one coach.  They had set up and were practicing batting and running. Of course we get there and Puppy is all about not wanting to do anything, just sit on the bench and watch. He was complaining about the heat and too many people being there. Shortly thereafter the kids came off the field to take a water break. At this time I talk to him asking him to go give it a try so he can tell his teacher about it the next day. He finally gives in and goes to try batting, and he did great, ran to first and the rest went equally well and smoothly.

    

Puppy makes it to First base.

Second base

Third base...

       

and he makes it home.
Way to go Puppy!

When he was back at the bench he started to get fussy and asking if Ms. H would be coming to meet us at the park. I'm guessing he wanted someone else to see him play to make it valid. I said yes, and all of the sudden he says he can't stand her and doesn't want her there. Don't worry it's not the first time he does this, but it's one of the few times he does it in public. She gets there and he comes close and tells me to ask her to leave and that he's going to have a tantrum if she gets near him. I can't help but roll my eyes because I know this is already escalating into something bigger. Sure enough, he tries to bang his head on the fencing unknowingly that cyclone fencing basically bounces back, so he was disappointed. I looked at him and he started mumbling bad words...and I said, "Let's go."

When he was back at the bench he started to get fussy and asking if Ms. H would be going to meet us at the park. I'm guessing he wanted someone else to see him play to make it valid. I said yes, and all of the sudden he says he can't stand her and doesn't want her there. Don't worry it's not the first time he does this, but it's one of the few times he does it in public. She gets there and he comes close and tells me to ask her to leave and that he's going to have a tantrum if she gets near him. I can't help but roll my eyes because I know this is already escalating into something bigger. Sure enough, he tries to bang his head on the fencing unknowingly that cyclone fencing basically bounces back, so he was disappointed. I looked at him and he started mumbling bad words...and I said, "Let's go."

The entire walk to the truck was just so peachy with him screaming foul language in Spanish. Luckily, no one paid any attention because each parent had their own hands full watching over their own child. Ms. H followed us to the parking lot and we headed home. On route he was still screaming that he didn't want Ms. H to go to our house. The bad words were so colorful with him taking turns in English and Spanish. Then he mentioned he was repeating words another ex-classmate usually says. So I called him by that child's name and he was furious. So now he's banging his fist on the door window, on the dashboard, on the arm rest, and finally it ends with him biting his hand. However, it must have been a really strong bite because he started to cry and yelled it hurt. Keep in mind he has braces and it only makes it easier for him to break skin.

We had made it home. Once he was a little calmer, he looked at me and apologized. He wanted sympathy for his injury. He leaned his head on my shoulder and said he was nervous. What would his teacher say when she sees his hand? What will his consequences be tomorrow? So much goes through his mind in such a short period. I can't imagine the mental struggles he must go through all day.

Of course he then started up again once we got inside the house because Ms. H was now with us. But he just stormed up to his room, closed the door and stayed there talking to himself. This lasted about 30 minutes, but only because I decided to open the door to check on him.  He had been pacing back and forth, nothing more, but he was nervous and he was about to start escalating again. We sat down together and I tried my best to explain that we can't change the past (he doesn't understand past though), so move forward and don't repeat the biting and swearing. He was probably just satisfied with the fact that I did not express anger. Maybe I should have, but everyday teaches me and reminds me that he mimics and he would indeed mimic my anger if he saw it, maybe not today but someday. He politely gave me a kiss on the cheek and started making his way to the shower and began his evening routines, then a sweet "Good night, Ms. H., I love you." and "Good night, mom, I love you."  Another day is now behind us.

Obsession presssures

We are pretty much back to square one. The pressure of not having a wallet has definitely caught up to him. Puppy has gone back to making paper wallets on a daily basis, then realizing that he shouldn't be using paper, so he rips it up and throws it away. Then he's walking around like a very lost soul who's purpose is missing.

The need, the obsession continues. Notice the rip in his back pocket. He's torn three pairs to get the "look" he needs. Puppy mimics people and actions and words. So he's gone to mimicking my brother and the use of his wallet and the torn jeans.  He tries so much to get through the day. He manages to make it through class and after school, but once he comes home there is a lack of structure and he breaks down. He will hide in his room or at the computer desk and quietly make himself another paper wallet. Once he is able to get his cards into the make believe wallet, he is whole again. He goes to bed with the wallet at his side. I only hope he has peaceful sleeps, but I can imagine him dreaming scenes where he has the prefect wallet in his back pocket and him showing it off to anyone whom will give him the time and attention.

 

Well, as it goes...Puppy has been standing or sitting next to me all morning asking for me to get dressed and take him to Walmart so that he can go buy a velcro wallet with the $3.22 he has managed to save and/or find in drawers or even the ground (pennies from Heaven). I've sent him away with the intentions of making a trip to Walmart. But only if I can finish watching my Redbox movie that was started last night, as well as getting one more load of laundry done before we can consider going to Walmart. He's content and has walked away to give me a little space.  I'm attaching pictures to give visuals of his paper wallets. Oh Puppy, you put so much effort into them then throw them away. What a simple yet terrible obsession.

                                                                

Ignore the ID in the wallet. It's my old driver's license. It has come in handy when Puppy has gotten lost at Target and then at Walgreen"s. He has memorized my cellular number and knows that the store personnel can call me to him if he gets lost. But mostly, I'm glad he's learned never to go outside the store without me. Look for me first, because I would never leave him behind.

   

Special Olympics 2012, Day One

This year’s Special Olympics has come and gone.

The two day event went a little differently this year. For starters, it was the first year I didn’t get time off from work to watch the competitions. Puppy wasn’t too happy about that and even voiced that he didn’t want to participate, in his words, “I don’t want to go outside today.” I was hoping that after his morning call to my sister on Wednesday, he would get his pep talk and be convinced to get on the bus, go to school and change into his uniform for the events. Luckily, it pretty much happened that way. His teacher wasn’t going to let him sulk or stay in the classroom alone while they all went to the field.

On the first day of the Special Olympics, he did fine at the 50 meter run. In pictures that were taken by another classmate's mom, I see he was grouped with 4 other kids, him being the tallest and biggest. I think those little runners had an advantage over him…just saying. He didn’t place and came in 4^th or 5^th. 

It was it long day in the sun for Puppy though. His after school routine was changed, too. He was dropped off at my parents’ house after school. My sister was there and asked if I would like her to take him with her to my brother and his wife’s house until I got out from work so I wouldn’t have to deviate further from my route home. I got there and he greeted me like he usually does. He was excited to tell me about his day at the Olympics and how he ran as fast as he could to get his ribbon.

I sat down on the sofa to visit with my sister, my nephews and niece. Puppy on the other hand, was ready to go home. When I told him we’d leave in a while he didn’t like it, but waited. My brother got there, then my sister-in-law, and so I was catching up with them as well. By now Puppy was even more bored and asking to leave again. My sister-in-law asked us to stay for supper, but still…Puppy wanted to leave. When I said to him we’d leave after we ate, he took a deep breath and walked to another room and screamed he was going to bit himself if we didn’t leave. I told him soon, let’s eat first. And he took his hand to mouth and bit down as hard as he could. His braces left a terrible mark and open wounds on the backside of his right-hand. He started yelling, “I bit myself hard!” “It hurts!” I went and found him sitting on the bed crying with his hand in the air. Puppy’s first response was he’s sorry. He knew it wasn’t good behavior and figured I’d be angry. I was, but it was done. My instinct is to comfort him. It may not be the right thing because generally it was giving him attention. But as I saw it, my attention did not reward him and we were not leaving. Instead, I did comfort and his wound was cared for with ointment and a band-aid; and we walked to the kitchen to eat.

I read his face and saw embarrassment. But he tried to make small talk with others just the same. By this time Ms. H had arrived to meet with us for the evening. He sought her undivided attention for a while before asking to go outdoors. He was fine for the remainder of the evening. This was the end of day one.

What caused his tantrum? I will never know. I can take guesses. I can speculate. But Puppy has autism and can’t tell me himself why he turned to self-injury. Something triggered it, but looking for attention was not it, because attention does not take him to another location like he wanted. He wanted to go home and probably wanted some of this day to have routine to it and ultimately…none of this day was familiar or routine to him.

Puppy is doing well now and looks down at his hand. “Why did I do this, mom?” I don’t have an answer.

Puppy's weekend

Here we go, just like I said, I blog whenever something happens…and it did.

Our weekend was going rather smoothly with the usual small tantrums or rather, some small rebellious tactics from Puppy whenever he didn’t like the answer I gave him. But I'll go over our weekend in a little more detail.

Puppy did well at my parents’ after school on Friday.  I decided to withdraw him from daycare on Fridays, and he'll be left off by the bus at my parents' unless I see that there are problems arising from this new routine. But he generally loves being outdoors as much as possible; and this is the perfect place for him to do just that. We also hung around at my parents’ to attend a small birthday party for my nephew with family and friends that evening.  Everything was fine then, too. It was a long day for all of us. Once we got home he fussed about taking a shower so I allowed it for the following morning.  

Then Saturday came with an early rise since he had to shower before going to the orthodontist for an 8:30 a.m. appointment.  Thankfully, this also went off without a hitch and we were out the door by 8:00. We didn’t even wait 10 minutes before Puppy was called in and seated. Although it took a little while for the doctor to actually get to us, it was worth it. I was told that because a wire was not placed on his braces back in February when the dental appliance was first put on, there was no change to his upper teeth. However, since he had the upper appliance since February (See Dental Visits), I was able to plea with the doctor to remove it until further notice when we are ready to start another procedure. Puppy will now be able to speak more clearly and eat with ease instead of having his food always getting stuck between his upper palette and the dental appliance.  He was certainly a happy camper about this and gave a huge smile when it was off. We will be back in a month to see what’s next on the schedule.

Once we hit the streets, I texted my brother and asked if he had breakfast ready. My sister-in-law had put two “lenguas” (cow tongues) in the slow-cooker overnight and I was looking forward to having some that morning. I picked up a 12-pak of Dr. Pepper and headed over with Puppy. It was delicious! We had a nice visit and then headed home to begin chores with Ms. H. Even this went all right. Puppy helped by vacuuming his bedroom as promised a few days earlier. And he stayed out of the way until we called upon him for hangers and such.

When all the laundry and chores were done, he was just itching to leave because our neighbor from across the street had been working on a project in his backyard all afternoon and I wouldn’t allow Puppy to go over. I’ve stopped allowing Puppy go over to this neighbor’s house because this older man smokes. Cigarettes are Puppy’s second obsession. It consumes him just as badly as wallets do; and that’s too much for Puppy to handle. He will want to make pretend paper cigarettes or paper boxes, all from just watching someone else smoking. But we were able to escape without further mention of the neighbor and headed over to my parents’ house.

That afternoon and evening went very well with Puppy having a good time with family. When we got home at around 10:00 p.m., I saw the backyard gate to the neighbor across the street was open; and he was still working on some carpentry. Puppy also saw this and debated with me for what seemed like an eternity, but really it was about 15-20 minutes and still longer than I wanted a debate to take, but ignoring him was not working. I suppose he finally realized I was not changing my mind and lastly gave in to staying put and going to bed. It’s on nights like these when he is so determined to get his way, I’m so exhausted from the mind games that I can’t fall asleep for fear that he will get up after I’m in bed. It’s not amusing but I was thankful it was Saturday. 

Sunday started like most, early to rise. Puppy was ready before me and went downstairs to fix himself a bowl of cereal. He was done by the time I came down.  And then it began again. “Can I go across the street?” “He’s outside in the backyard.” I asked him if the gate was open and he told me it was. I know I shouldn’t have let him go, but the man would be busy and hopefully not smoking so early. I gave in and whispered only for a little while. 

I proceeded in preparing my breakfast and turned on the laptop for some morning reading. I remember having finished eating when Puppy came back inside and said, “Mom, the police wants to talk to you.” I was confused and wondered why would he say that? Duh, because there was a police car parked in front of our house. I was still in pjs but I met the officer outside as he approached the door. I asked if I could help him, and with Puppy standing next to me, he asked if this was my son. I said, “Yes, why, what is the problem?” He asked, “Is he okay?” I answered, “Yes, he has autism, but he’s fine.” He said, “Oh, well I found him trying to open the gate to the house across the street.” I turned to ask Puppy, “Why were you doing that if you told me it was open and the man was outside?” Puppy lifted his shoulders. I asked him, “Why did you lie to mom?” And he replied, “I’m sorry.” With that, the officer just told me to keep a close watch on him and left. Puppy was so nervous so we went inside and sat down to talk about this incident. I tried to explain that the neighbor probably called the police himself because he doesn’t like kids hanging around his house, especially when he’s working. He's just a grumpy old man and Puppy should not be there because he smokes. My innocent Puppy promised never to ask to go across the street. Sadly he was shaken up a bit with the police visit. I found out days later that the officer questioned him before asking him to get his mom. I'm guessing we won't have any more problems with "that" neighbor, we will be staying on our side of the street.

New After School Care

So how is everyone doing? Whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, I am programmed to say, good or fine. It's rarely true though. But I know this is a general greeting and it's plain acknowledgement of your presence.

These last two weeks have been complete mental exhaustion.  That means my nights have gone with either minimum hours of sleep, tossing and turning or staying up late which is not my norm. It means that I can be at work and trying to read reports or documents and not being able to focus, so reading over and over has also been causing headaches.  I just went through seven days of having vertigo in various stages. Of course the worst was not being able to get out of bed or the sofa, or keeping my head against the headrest as I drive and trying not to turn too quickly, to taking medication before the symptoms worsen, to finally waking up in the morning and being able to stand without missing a step. Whatever the case, I don't know if stress was a contributor.

But it seems that I may be seeing that light after all. One of Puppy's teacher aide's has stepped up to the plate and offered to watch him after school, but only Monday through Thursday. And unfortunately she mentioned it would only be temporary until I find someone or somewhere more permanent for him. I wasn't too happy about that, but it's a start. I'm just thankful that it will be someone dependable, responsible, and a person that knows him almost as well as I do if not better. Best part is that he respects her...or fears her, not sure--still, it will be a change and a new routine.

And Puppy is still trying to adjust to having his wallet in his pocket, or his hands when he thinks no one is watching.  He's showing progress in school in that he is still maintaining his workload and focusing without having the wallet consume his attention. He has returned to his study group and no longer with the babies so his confidence has definitely increased.  We still have discussions about him wanting to modify it with paper and/or tape, but whenever I stand my ground (so not what I used to do before), he has no choice but accept my answer and accept his wallet is the way it's going to stay. I always feel like the challenge is more for me than him. Weird.

The Magical Classroom

Going back to my previous posting -- let me explain.  What I’m saying is that we have created our own language.  We use key words, phrases, even gestures.  Sure, everyone does with their parents, or spouses, or kids, etc.  And I’m just stating that Puppy and I have ours, too.   

Since Puppy obviously can’t be home all day, he goes to school, then daycare on Mondays through Fridays.  This is when our little world gets complicated.  He is going to talk to several people throughout his day and the difference is that they don’t know which key words I use at home, what phrases get the job done, and which ones trigger unwanted behaviors.

His classroom setting is priority.  He has so much structure there; we both would be lost without it.  In fact, it was only two years ago that this structure became reality for us because it was the only place Puppy was able to find himself. It took a very patient and caring teacher. But I wish I had a crystal ball to let me view his progress throughout the day.  I need to know the same key words and phrases that are used in the classroom that got the job done.  What was said, done or used that made him respond with such positive behavior?  I know there is a high percentage of respect that has been earned by his teacher and aides that has influence on Puppy. If they could only teach me, teach me how to obtain the same results at home.  Experience brings knowledge.  Knowledge provides support for experience.

A Pat on the Back

I had to give myself a pat on the back.  That doesn’t happen too often, so I made sure I even have Ms. H as a witness on my latest good parenting skills.  It’s just not that easy for me to be strict with Puppy and even harder when I’ve seen him on both his good and bad days.  I want those good days to prevail over the bad.  I imagine any parent wants the same for their kids.

I am constantly being reminded by Puppy’s teacher to ignore the unwanted behaviors.  Well yesterday, that little voice inside my head, which was really the teacher’s voice, kept picking at my brain to follow through on the instructions given to me if I want to see changes in Puppy’s behaviors.  So even I couldn’t believe it, I followed through. I was giving Ms. H the thumbs-up every time I was successful.

Puppy was whining and nagging that he wanted to put paper and credit cards in his handkerchief and for obvious reasons, to fold and mold it into a wallet.  But with so much coaching from his teacher and me, he is fully aware that it is something he isn’t supposed to be doing.  He was calling me to go upstairs and probably talk to me, or rather convince me that it was only a handkerchief and he has permission to carry the handkerchief, a small comb and Chap Stick in his pocket.  Because I know my son better than he thinks I do, I ignored his calls.  Occasionally, I’d tell him to come downstairs and talk to me, but with Ms. H there, he may have already been predicting we might gang up and preach the rules to him.

Nonetheless, I was successful in ignoring the repetitive calling, and ignoring his actions of manipulating his hankie into a wallet formation.  He gave up and jumped into the shower and continued on with his nightly routines.  Of course when was out, he got dressed and tried one more time to get my help with folding his hankie, but I shook my head and suggested that it didn’t come that way and he shouldn’t put paper, cards or tape on it.  He showed me his sad eyes and disappointment, but he did take everything out.  Although he still folded the hankie into the worst looking wallet want-to-be, he placed it under his pillow like he does with anything important to him.  We had another night without a tantrum, hurray!

He woke up this morning and tried one more time.  I was surprised to hear the words though.  “Mom, right I can’t put cards in this (handkerchief)?”  I told him he was correct and together we took all the tape that had remained on it from last night’s trial and errors.  I gladly ironed it gave him a neatly pressed hankie for him to place in his pocket.  Good job, Puppy.

Puppy's Improving

I’ve written about counting days and how my time was consumed by worrying about all those who, what, when, where, why or how, whatever or whenever…as it related to affecting Puppy having a tantrum.  Well, we started the New Year without counting days.  It seems like some of the repetitious teachings have finally clicked with Puppy. But before you start clapping and cheering, his behaviors have improved but they haven’t disappeared.

These two weeks since he’s been back on a routine and the exposure to his classroom setting and teacher  seems to have given him a flashback about how “good behavior” is always expected of him. 

I’ve mentioned that we have told him the smoke detectors are cameras for his teacher, aunt, uncle, etc…,but we also started having his teacher come over to our home once a week for a total of six weeks (two down, four to go) doing in-home training.  This has made a deep impression on Puppy.  The idea of his teacher knowing what is going on in his own home by viewing a camera has now been stepped up a notch, and now he is very aware of her presence because it is now physical, a reality. 

So now, instead of counting days, I am marking each day on our calendar with a point for good behavior or an “X” for unwanted behavior.  Yes, still with the calendar because he is still trying to earn his One hundred (100) points to reinforce the fact that he can and did have 100 days of good behavior.  We changed it up just a little though.  Before the holidays, his teacher sent the calendars home and the power switched over to me.  I am responsible for deciding if he deserves a daily point since the lack of respect and tantrums were at home and not at school. 

In case you forgot, the points system has been there since September, but the teacher was the firm one between us and she has no problem placing “X” and even removing points for unwanted behavior.  This is not so easy for his mom.  I’m a softie when it comes to wanting him happy.  And remember, the points are being used to allow him to get the prized possession back—his wallet!

To summarize, Puppy is showing much improvement and minimized unwanted behaviors.  Is it all working?  I don’t know.  Maybe he’s just playing us for fools, and doing a great job of it, but if it removes the tantrums and meltdowns and foul language—I’ll take it any day.