Making a List for Puppy

I worry about Puppy all the time. I can’t grasp my mind around the thought of him growing up and not knowing all that is essential to function on a day to day basis. Oh how I try my best to have him do simple tasks on his own. I’ve forced myself to give him instructions instead of doing things for him. I need to remind myself that nothing is instinct to Puppy.

We are on our way, me teaching and Puppy learning. For example, I taught him how to make his own sandwich, prepare a glass of fruit punch from a powdered mix, brush his teeth, and almost dress himself completely. We are practicing how to cross a street and looking for cars backing up in parking lots. He’s learning to pay at the cash register but it’s a little hard since he still doesn’t know how to give change. He’s learning to tell time. This one helps to allow for different activities or his bedtime, etc.

There is just so much for him to learn in what seems like so little time. He’s already thirteen years old and counting. I understand that nothing has to be mastered, but certain things in life need to be habit for independent living. Although I don’t see Puppy living alone, it is important that he know how to care for his basic needs. We are trying and trying hard.

I would really like some feedback to create a list of things, needs, tasks, etc. that Puppy should be learning and practicing on a daily basis. We take so much for granted that still a list seems to be a hard thing to do for even me.

You're safe now

I am so proud of Puppy. He did something yesterday that we had only talked about, but hadn’t needed to act on.

After work I picked up Puppy from daycare as usual. He opened his backpack to show me a note from his teacher. No classes on Thursday and Friday, it’s the Easter weekend. Today (Wednesday, April 20) they are going to have a relax day in class. So her note read that the students are allowed to bring chips, candies, and cascarones to school for an afternoon party. Sounded like fun and now we had a short list of items to buy.

We had just been to Walmart the night before, so since Target is just across the street from it, I decided we could go there instead. So Puppy and I grabbed our cart and started walking up and down the aisles of Target. It wasn’t too busy and a pleasant walk, still for my tired feet. Puppy asked to go check out the toys. I was thinking he might be looking for an Easter item, and yet, I should have known better that he really meant video games like Xbox, play station, etc., even though we don’t have those components at home. Puppy has a DS Lite and so he knew precisely what to look for. We carefully flipped back and forth between another SpongeBob game or the new Megamind game. Actually, it was more like me convincing him he already had a couple of SpongeBob’s and it was time for a change. We got the clerk’s attention and Puppy had his new game in hand. We went back to walking and shopping.

As we continued, the dreaded moment comes up…he needs to use the restroom. I asked an employee nearby to refresh my memory and she gave us the location to the restrooms. He said he could go alone and would find me when he was done. So we went our separate ways like we have many times before. Great, more time for me to shop!

Did I forget to mention that we hadn’t been to Target in months? Take a moment. Sit back in your seats. Relax. You can do that. I, on the other hand, was summoned by the very loud overhead speakers to go to the service center at the front of the store. The thoughts that run through a mother’s mind can be devastating. Of course, my first honest thought was that Puppy detoured into the men’s section and was looking at wallets and may have innocently tried to put a wallet in his pocket to try it out for size…and was caught by security. I know, it’s a terrible thought, really bad, but the thought happened. Then thought number two: he fell down and is hurt. And I think there was a third thought somewhere, something to do with the restroom, but I forgot it already.

Anyway, I finally reach the service center, and there is Puppy with a big grin but with worried sad eyes. He had gotten lost and couldn’t find me. My heart sank, and I went over to hug him. I gave him my best “you’re safe now” hug and kiss. He tells me he didn’t know where to look so he showed the man his wallet that has my old driver’s license in it. He even recited my cell phone number to me, but said the guy wouldn’t call me. I was rather surprised to see him calm and relaxed. Well, I must be a pretty good hugger because he seemed to be over it within a matter of minutes and was ready to pick out his chips and candies. We finished our shopping and headed home with no mention of the incident.

Life is good. Our experience could have ended in with a very negative result. I am very thankful that it was a happy ending.

He says, "I love you"

I am guilty of taking things for granted. The worst part of it is that it took me hearing another parent mention she is waiting to hear her daughter say "I love you" when it hit me. For those who don't know this, emotions are not usually expressed by persons who are autistic. Most children learn emotions through pictures on paper. This is not instinct to them. They are unable to interpret facial expressions or feelings, etc.

I can remember when Puppy was 4 years old, we would go everywhere together and I'd have him in his car seat as we rode around. He was non-verbal then. I would look at him through the rear view mirror and say to him, "I love you." I did this several times everyday because in my mind I wanted him to know that he was with me because I wanted him to be, I made a decision to bring him home with me, and he was loved.

During this period, I was still unaware that Puppy was autistic, and I was just trying to get him to speak, to repeat words. Well, my silly act of trying to make him talk by repeating "I love you" finally paid off.

Today, Puppy tells me and I tell him how much we love each other. We've been doing it back and forth for years that I had forgotten how important those three little words really are. I can't imagine those words not being a part of our lives. It was and still is what keeps us bonding with each other.

In an earlier post I told about how I received my first hug from Puppy. I report that this has not happened again. I cherish that one hug. It was honest and I felt it came from his heart. But I am also certain that we will share many more hugs in the years to come. I'm not sad about it, I wait for it with anticipation. Why? Because Puppy loves me...and I love him.

Instincts

I read something interesting today that I wanted to share.

-- Phil Schwarz, Vice-President,
Asperger's Association of New England wrote about ABA teaching methodologies:

"These teaching methodologies work beautifully for some autistic kids, to teach them to learn how to learn. They do so precisely because they leverage the children's specifically autistic strengths:  good memory, attention to detail, attention to patterns and to the continuation and breakage of patterns. They also break cognitive steps down into units that can be tuned to match the children's cognitive and sensory bandwidth and attention span -- both at the outset and as they increase over time."  Please look him up if you want to see his "defense" for ABA teachings.

I only wanted to post the definition he wrote because it brought me to a place where I am further understanding my son and his lack of instinct.  I already know that our days are consumed with teaching, "teaching him how to learn."

But what happens when he "learns" poor behaviors from his peers then finds it difficult to understand why his mom keeps telling him not to do it?  Someone else did it, why can't he do the same?  Puppy has no instinct to know much of what is right and what is wrong until he learns about it, and usually the hard way.

Also, he doesn't usually show interest to play with the other kids.  Mostly it's because unless he is taught to catch and throw a ball, basketball, baseball, etc., it's all Greek to him.  I sometimes forget to remember this small factor myself.  I hope that now since I wrote about it, I'll be more alert and not so quick to correct him for the chance that he did not know.