The threat

Tuesday evening was not so smooth. Puppy had done great through his speech therapy with Joe.  After their session they went over the rules that come along with keeping his wallet in his pocket.  I had explained earlier to Joe that the wallet was beginning to have less value to Puppy, and we were going to need another way to get his attention. Well, I wasn't expecting what he said next. He explained that the next time he had a tantrum or misbehaved, he would be coming over to shave off his mustache. And so it was said out loud.  Puppy continued to say everything Joe wanted to hear and their session was over.

It almost seemed as if Puppy waited for Joe to turn the corner and out of sight before he came to me and tells me he found an empty box of cigarettes on the sidewalk and has no intentions of throwing it away. We talked it out and I was not successful. Puppy’s anxiety was escalating and I saw the signs.  I sent Joe a text to please come back.  I waited outside for Joe as Puppy ran upstairs and running around as if looking for a hiding place for both the box and his wallet. And then he waited at the door for Joe.

Once he set eyes on Joe he started cussing and throwing punches at him. Thankfully, Joe is a professional whom has years of experience in handling these same situations and he quickly took control of Puppy and restrained him as he talked him into a calm state. Then the process of following through with the threat was placed into motion. Although Puppy cried a bit, he remained under control and his mustache was shaved off. He apologized and said he knew he did several things that were against the rules and that he was not going to do them again.

New behavior training

Since March of this year I hired a guy with experience in working with special needs kids at our school district. Joe was hired to work directly with Puppy on his behaviors.  It even started with a really big bang, too.  On day one, Puppy felt the male presence in his space and acted on it. He had a meltdown that first day.  And I was told to expect it and told it may happen a few times before he gets comfortable with having him in his home. But since Joe was able to handle the situation well and without hurting him, Puppy came around quickly.

As time went by, I saw a dramatic change in Puppy. He seemed happier and was more responsive to instructions.  He seemed to start letting himself take in the world around him in a different way, with eyes wide open.

On our second month, the lessons took a turn. I became the student. I was taught how to speak to Puppy. I learned to use a firm voice, minimum words, give clear instructions, and show no fear.  And it worked. Puppy must have noticed I was mimicking Joe and understood to follow through as if Joe were talking to him.

However, even though Puppy was having continuous days of good behavior without tantrums, his obsessions never took a back seat. They were very present and we did what seemed to be the next necessary step, we removed all wallets from his possession. He was given until the end of the regular school year (which was about a month) to keep good behaviors and be compliant with his chores and schoolwork in order to get a wallet. This would be a new wallet because all the others were taken away and given to the homeless shelter.  

Yet, being without a wallet took a toll on him. He turned to his obsession of cigarettes. He was always searching the sidewalks and trashcans for the empty boxes, or sometimes he got lucky and there was one or two in a box. He even took to stealing them from the neighbors. Yes, lucky us…we have smokers all around us. I was constantly checking his pockets and drawers. He never took a break and my need to keep steady watch on him was tiring.

The end of the school year finally arrived and he was hyped. We talked about following rules for the last couple of weeks leading up to the day. He could repeat all those rules and convincingly promise to do no wrong. I waited until the Saturday after to take him to Kohl’s so he could pick this one and only wallet that will remain in his possession for the rest of his years until it is too old and ugly to use. He picked the perfect wallet and we had a new kid. He seemed complete and happy. I felt so good being able to fill that void he had. And that was when our lives went back to how they were before, but with better behaviors.

A Bad Day...

I heard this today and I thought to myself, if there was a simple way to express living with autism...this might be it.

"A bad day is a bad day; a good day is just a bad day waiting to happen."

I hope that when you read this you don't feel I'm being negative. I simply live with a teenager with autism. Everyday is different and yet the same. One word, one object moved, or just one look can and may bring Puppy into a state of anger.

I use repetition in reminding Puppy that he is in control of his tantrums (and meltdowns) and that he is the only person that can make himself feel better.

Whenever sparked to anger, he tells me his head hurts or that he's hot or has a temperature. This anger may lead up to a tantrum and I'm glad he's becoming aware of his own body changes and may even try to prevent tantrums.

Of course, recognizing the warning signs doesn't always work. If Puppy says he's hot and I say he's not...I take a step back--because here we go again. Will he or won't he escalate into a tantrum simply because I have not given him the answer he wanted to hear? Honestly, my answer to this question has repeatedly been, "A little warm". As quickly as possible, I then redirect him to drink a cold glass of milk or water and the moment is reduced to a calmer Puppy with him saying, "See, I feel better now...that's all I needed." Oh how I wish this was the result every time, but it isn't.

"A bad day is a bad day; a good day is just a bad day waiting to happen."

Damn Obsessions (Continued)

So on this Saturday morning of the 8^th, I am having breakfast around 8 A.M. because that’s as early as I was able to drag myself out of bed. Puppy had already fixed himself waffles and milk and was ready to head out the door to observe any neighbor smoking that comes out of their house first. I figured something was up, so sure enough he had run out of paper to use as rolled up cigarettes, so he had gone through my purse and taken four dollars, had rolled them up and taped them as substitutes. But I didn’t find these until later that morning. So let’s just say he was a happy camper because he was getting his imaginary fix on cigarettes.

In one of his check-ups on me, I was able to have him help me with laundry chores, so the entire morning wasn’t lost. However, we had an invitation from Ms. H to attend her son’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese at noon. Let’s just say the morning flew by and we were at the party. The only problem is that Puppy has been complaining of chest pains for a few days this week so I figured I better have him checked. With Puppy, it could be anything. It’s not easy to know because he doesn’t have the vocabulary to describe his pain or location very well. He’s been going through so many issues these days that I was thinking it was just anxiety or nerves because it usually comes around the time he’s stressed about something he did. He was looked over by a doctor at a clinic and he guessed it may be heartburn because test results were normal. We picked up our prescription for Zantac and went home.

Boy, this story is really going to drag out since I’m writing early in the morning and not having enough time. Once again, to be continued.

Damn Obsessions

Yea, I am cussing. I am just so damned tired. I've learned to hide so much that if it weren't for prescription drugs...I'd definitely would have lost it so many times. It's almost like being in a relationship that's so demanding and sometimes overwhelming that you feel if you talk or share with others, you are complaining and no one wants to be around a complainer or whiner. So we, I, hide it and keep to myself.

If it weren't for blogging I may have been worse off. I can vent or share in my blog. Well, this weekend was one of those weekends that was with great strain on us. Puppy started Friday evening with some debating. I picked him up from daycare and we visited with my parents for a while. But he was eager to get home. Puppy had his wallet removed from him at school the week before around Wednesday; and since then he was carrying his extra credit cards in his pocket to school. For lack of concentration, he had those taken away as well during the week. So when he finally got the wallet back, he had no cards to put in it. I had an ARD on Friday and the teacher returned the cards to me explaining how it all came to be that he had them taken away. So now I returned cards to him and he wanted to get home to fill his wallet which he had purposely left at home so that it wouldn't be taken away at school again.

But it didn't stop there. Cigarettes were on his mind as well. He was nagging all the way home for me to stop at the Dollar General store so that he could buy toy cigarettes, as if. So driving by passed the store caused only more of a tantrum with him punching the truck window and dashboard. Not the first time, so it goes on for about a half mile and we make it home without damage to the truck or him.

His Saturday morning just picked up where it left off the night before only it was now 7 A.M.


Sorry readers, I just saw the clock and I'll make myself late for work if I don't get moving. This will definitely be continued, hopefully tonight. I have so many parts to the story to write about that I don't want to cut to the chase and end it. Stay tuned for more.

Handle with care

It looks like we may be hanging out at my sister’s for a few more days. I just got the quote for the new unit I need to purchase…ugh! So with that said, it means more cold cereal breakfasts and dinners, yummy. It’s not bothering Puppy though. He was next door on Monday and came back to ask for permission to go to Whataburger with his cousins, so I gave him money and sent him to have a warm meal with some good company. He came back with a full stomach and happy, and was ready to comply with instructions for shower time followed by bedtime.

My little boy is growing up.  I love when he wants to go places, without me. I don’t mean it in a bad way; I just didn’t think I would be letting him go anywhere alone on account of him having so many mood swings. I worry for him and also the person(s) he’s with.  How would they handle a tantrum or meltdown? Would it be so terrible and unfamiliar to others that they may call the police? So many questions run through my mind at all hours of the day; mostly when he’s away from me.  But, I need to let him grow up and I realize the importance of giving him independence.  I just wish I could put a sign on him that says “handle with care”. 

Wordless Wednesday (2)

Puppy's self injury, again

After cleaning the wound

Puppy opened door with enough force to crack the doorknob stop

Wordless Wednesday (1)

I’ve read several blogs and have seen this before; I just hadn’t done it myself. I decided to do my first “Wordless Wednesday.” I think the pictures speak for themselves and the rough days Puppy and I, and Ms. H have been going through for about three weeks. 

Doing pretty well

Puppy is doing much better since I started the changes in his medications last week. His teacher tells me he is a more pleasant person, talkative, responsive, and overall happy.  These words are music to my ears. He’s come such a long way from the deep darker side episodes of repeated tantrums and meltdowns. 

He has also become a persistent debater whenever it comes to him wanting or requesting a new wallet, or just wanting to modify his present wallet with tape to create new sleeves (which is everyday); or arguing that his dirty jeans with the rip on the back pocket that shows the wallet are not really that dirty and he HAS to wear them because they are his favorite pair. And now two pairs have rips, so he has two favorite jeans that he switches back and forth. Oh and did I mention the rips were made by scissors and not wear and tear? That’s just Puppy.

I am actually seeing progress in his weekly spelling words being put to use in his everyday conversations. I beam with pride whenever he is studying and he makes random sentences with the words; it reassures me he has understood the definition of the word. 

So I can say that as long as there are no more unannounced visits from the police, or torn jeans, we are doing pretty well.

Trying our best

As I watch the hours on the clock, the days seem to be going by slowly. And yet, I see that April 5 was the last posting I have 15 days ago.  

Take it as a good sign. For the most part, if things are going badly, I’m usually trying to put my thoughts down and give a run through of what happened on that day; after all, I blog about the incidents and experiences related to my son’s autism. 

In my last post Those Awful Scars, Puppy had his last meltdown. His teacher and aides have been working with him by reinforcing the idea that he controls his own emotions and actions. Whenever he is feeling tense or upset, he is suppose to walk to a quiet chair away from others and count as high as he can. He’s practiced this only a few times. But he has not had another meltdown. Sure, he’s had his moments of anger when he raises his hand to his mouth and threatens to bite himself. He’s done this with me about 4 times since the last meltdown. But guess what? He doesn’t follow through. And I could not tell you why he hasn’t. I have replied with, “Don’t hurt yourself”,”that will make me sad”, “go ahead”, and for whatever reason, he did not bite himself to any of those responses. I can say that it is more often than not attention seeking tactics. 

But as the years go by I have learned that there is no right or wrong answer.  He controls his emotions and actions. It all relies on how he interprets what he hears. And because he’s wired differently and takes words literally, there’s no telling how he interprets words or what he hears for that matter. We simply try our best to remain calm in all situations. Puppy, we will take it one day at a time.