The threat

Tuesday evening was not so smooth. Puppy had done great through his speech therapy with Joe.  After their session they went over the rules that come along with keeping his wallet in his pocket.  I had explained earlier to Joe that the wallet was beginning to have less value to Puppy, and we were going to need another way to get his attention. Well, I wasn't expecting what he said next. He explained that the next time he had a tantrum or misbehaved, he would be coming over to shave off his mustache. And so it was said out loud.  Puppy continued to say everything Joe wanted to hear and their session was over.

It almost seemed as if Puppy waited for Joe to turn the corner and out of sight before he came to me and tells me he found an empty box of cigarettes on the sidewalk and has no intentions of throwing it away. We talked it out and I was not successful. Puppy’s anxiety was escalating and I saw the signs.  I sent Joe a text to please come back.  I waited outside for Joe as Puppy ran upstairs and running around as if looking for a hiding place for both the box and his wallet. And then he waited at the door for Joe.

Once he set eyes on Joe he started cussing and throwing punches at him. Thankfully, Joe is a professional whom has years of experience in handling these same situations and he quickly took control of Puppy and restrained him as he talked him into a calm state. Then the process of following through with the threat was placed into motion. Although Puppy cried a bit, he remained under control and his mustache was shaved off. He apologized and said he knew he did several things that were against the rules and that he was not going to do them again.

Ups and Downs

We are still hanging on. On to what? I don't know...my sanity, hope, heart maybe.

The last month has been rather difficult. I can't put my finger on it, so I can't fix it, or help it to be better.

Since the last time I wrote, we now have four new holes in the walls of our home. Two smoke detectors are hanging from wires on the ceilings. The tantrums are here and don't appear to be minimizing.

Actually, I think because we are trying something differently, Puppy may be expressing his dislike to the change.

I'll try to get back on here to blog about these changes. Wish us luck.

Tired evening and morning

All went well yesterday...until I picked up Puppy from daycare. When I got to the daycare and waited outside the door for it to be opened I noticed something different. There was a flowerpot with dirt and cigarette buds in it. Once in the truck Puppy started asking, "Mom, can you buy me cigarettes?" And asking why not, and begging and pleading with me to buy them for him.  I can so understand how he may have seen the buds on his way in earlier, then on his way out; and this may have triggered him to think about the cigarettes, it's something that simple.

So we are headed home and talk about bad timing. I had to stop at the convenience store for breakfast items and just as I expected, it escalates to a full blown plead for me to buy cigarettes. He's screaming, tugging at my arm, and making tears to seek out sympathy. I say, "NO" and we get off the truck. He follows me like my shadow would. We go to the register and he keeps both hands in his pocket and just watches as I pay and head for the door. He follows with no more words. We are in the truck and he starts to speak. "Mom, you see how I behave?" He must have realized how he was acting earlier and remembered that his teacher told him she can see him in the truck with cameras. And if that didn't do it, I don't really care why he calmed down, just that he did. As we started driving home he started up again and continued to ask for cigarettes but in a calm tone, all the way home.

Once home he asked to go next door. I didn't allow it because he has already stolen a box of cigarettes from the neighbor and I assumed that was exactly what he had in mind. But the other neighbor was outside so I allowed that for a few minutes.  A few minutes turned into about 45 minutes before he returned home.

He was in a good mood up until I reminded him that we had to get homework done and he had to shower before bedtime. Needless to say, none of this happened the way it had played out in my head. He said a few colorful words to let me know it was a "no go" and headed up to his room. Once there, I pushed for him to shower. He started into a debate about not wanting to and how he was tired and had a fever, etc. I was already tired myself and asked one more time before walking away to ignore his actions.

While alone in his room he was in overload and bit his finger causing injury to it with his braces and the cut was enough to make it bleed. So he calls me over to his room. I walk in to see the blood all over his finger and I remember taking a deep breath to help me continue with whatever came next.

After cleaning up and getting an explanation of how he hurt himself, he begins crying with tears and begs that he has a fever and can't shower. My mind is tired from the debating and I let him change into sleepwear and tuck him into bed. I get the silence I was hoping for...until he starts calling me upstairs again.  He apologizes for his behavior, he promises to sleep and cause no more trouble.

I got my silence again and was already contemplating the morning routine being interrupted by some signs of anxiety and debate as to how he would be in trouble for not completing his homework. But then I cleared my mind and focused on my evening TV shows and went to bed tired as usual.

This morning was a repeat of the visions I had the night before. Tantrums, banging of the head on table and wall, hitting himself with closed fists, and the loud crying with tears were the scene at our home as I prepare my first cup of coffee.  He was nervous as he remembered his behavior last night and begged me not to make him go to school today. After much consoling and some lying, I promised to write a note to his teacher explaining his fever last night to excuse him from homework. But I actually wrote a note telling her how it really went down. We have a deal where whenever I tell her about incidents, she tells him she saw his on the cameras so I am not the tattle-tell and they discuss his behaviors.  I hope it goes well for him at school today. Good luck, Puppy.

Picking up off the floor

Yup, he did it again. Puppy had asked to go across the street to keep the old man company while he worked on his truck. I get so tired of arguing with him that I allowed for a five minute visit and no longer. It seems that five minutes was just long enough for him to search his surroundings and find exactly what he was looking for...cigarettes. But these were not just any cigarettes, they were those metal ones that come in screw parts to make one, probably for persons either trying to quit or wanting to smoke indoors while avoiding the smoke, I don't know.

So he had them in his pockets for about one hour on Monday. He could no longer keep the secret to himself and came to tell me, "Mom, can I talk to you?" I always worry what surprise is going to follow this question. He's a bright kid and begins to explain that they are not real cigarettes and that the man gave them to him. And this smart child makes sure he keeps them hidden in his room while revealing this information to avoid me taking them from him. I convince him that I have no clue what he's talking about and would like to see them. He brings them to me and of course I give him a speech I've repeated so many times before. I clearly see he's not handing them over, they are now his prized possessions. Remember that he is observant and mimics everything, so ripping them out of his hand or screaming and shouting are not the way to go here. I coach him to give them up without success. So our evening routine continues and he is finally in bed.

Tuesday morning he rises with energy and has at least taken my advice not to take them to school. He knows that unwanted behavior will remove him from the classroom on Thursday while they have their Christmas party.  While having breakfast we discuss all the negatives about the cigarettes and by some miracle he decides to comply and he throws the cigarettes in the kitchen trashcan right before the bus arrives to take him to school. What a huge relief it was for me. The sweet smell of success is actually a dirty stinky one.

Knowing my son like I do; I waited for him to leave and went to retrieve them from the trashcan. Their smell is strong and I put them in a plastic zipper bag. I take them with me with the intentions of throwing them away, but not before I take a picture...just for you guys. :)

He had taken off the wrap of one so that it wouldn't look like a cigarette, he thinks things through sometimes.

Now to continue about how well I know my son. We come home last night and he's pacing around the kitchen. Instead of going upstairs to change, I suspect he's up to no good, and I begin washing dishes. Puppy starts to get anxious and even asks me why I'm not going upstairs. Since I'm not leaving he decides to be the most helpful child and asks if he can throw out the trash for me, and of course I let him. I gave him a few minutes and when he didn't return I went to find him emptying the contents on the driveway next to the outdoor trashcan. He's usually nervous when doing mischievous acts and is constantly looking around for someone to see who is watching him. After a minute Puppy saw me standing there. He started cussing like a sailor and told me to "get the f*** out of here" and some other pretty words. I assured him I wasn't going anywhere and was going to wait until he cleaned up all his mess. Puppy continued to empty and search the contents of the bag until it was empty. He was getting even more angrier and confused.  It was escalating and we were outdoors for the whole neighborhood to hear his screaming echos, just perfectly. I saw how determined he was to find them and was prepared to throw out all the contents of the large outdoor trashcan to find them. I told him he didn't find them because I had taken them out and threw them at a convenient store trashcan. I could see he was angry, but glad he didn't have to dig anymore. He gave me a few more selective words and we came inside to clean up. He cried and sought comfort and sympathy because his plan and his needs were not met. I hugged him and consoled him all the time asking him to jump in the shower and wash off all the germs from the trash. It only took about 30 minutes this time and he was showering. The entire evening went by with only a couple of soft hits to the walls with his head. Threats really, but no major tantrums, yea!

So what happened next? He switched his attention to his biceps. And again, after a lengthy talk about muscles he finally marched himself upstairs to bed. I was so tired after all the drama, that I actually slept like a baby.

Another Doctor's Visit

Puppy and I made our scheduled quarterly doctor's visit on April 24, 150 miles away just so we can see a doctor who will take the time to listen and understands my son.  We had company on our trip this time; my older sister also had her doctor's appointment just down the street from ours so we carpooled.

After driving around the Medical Center district of San Antonio and grabbing lunch, then taking my sister to her appointment, waiting until she was done, then heading out to my niece's apartment for a brief rest and leaving my sister there; Puppy and I headed out again to make our 4:30 p.m. appointment.

The place was packed with limited sitting space. But there are several psychiatrists at this center and each one has their own patients waiting in the same lobby. So in various increments the place was packed and then it was emptied again, and repeated. We didn't get in until 5 p.m., but this was not the norm as we are usually in within 10 minutes after arrival. I didn't mind though because we were almost 30 minutes early to begin with. Besides, it's always a pleasant visit when the psychiatrist takes her time to start with reviewing Puppy's file and notes taken, begins asking questions and listens to both of us while showing interest. Puppy has allowed himself to interact with her more often and it makes me feel better. Even though he might not understand what the doctor or I are saying, we are talking about him; and he tries to explain why he did things or tells her that he's keeping his hands together and being really quiet. I suppose I don't remind myself often enough that he hears everything and is understanding that our talks are mostly about his behaviors.

Our conversation took us to discussions about some of the behaviors Puppy has been expressing. I was trying to describe anxiety and nervousness, but she in return gave me examples of the both behaviors and we agreed that what I thought was anxiety, wasn't. Afterwards, we decided to make a minor change in his medications and I will monitor him. 

I started him on the new dose yesterday. I sent a text to his teacher to inform her of the change and she told me he was in a very happy mood, talkative and complying with all his work requests. I sighed and crossed my heart that this continues and this change is all he needed.