Thursday, May 5, 2011

Oh what a night

Just a few minutes ago, I went into Puppy's room and watched him sleeping. He looked so calm, so innocent, and I couldn't look away. This precious child is totally dependent on me. I took a deep breath and prayed for patience, strength, understanding and guidance.

It was a night like many before, but luckily not one that comes too often these days. Puppy was focused on his wallet like an alcoholic with his liquor bottle. And I'm trying to paint it ugly because it felt that way, too. It hurts me to think that these are only words coming from me, and yet Puppy was very much like that alcoholic needing another drink. His mind can only spotlight on one thing...a wallet. Without his wallet he cannot function. Life around him is second to the wallet.

I won't go into the details of the evening because I'm irritated, angry with what someone told Puppy today that caused his behavior to escalate to the level it did. Some days I wish I could put a bubble around him and anyone wanting to talk to him has to go through me first, tell me what the conversation will be, and simply then, if I consent, that person may be allowed to enter the bubble. I'm not saying this because I want to protect him. I say it because some people are complete idiots.

This might not make any sense to anyone. Maybe at another date I'll sit down to write about what actually happened. But in the end, I really only want to tell Puppy that I love him so much and I'm trying to teach and guide him as best as I can, hoping that I don't screw up along the way. I think Puppy secretly knows this.