A day off--maybe two

Today is Friday. I am home alone. The school district has scheduled an "inclement weather-make up day" and there are no classes. But because it's rather difficult to leave Puppy with just anyone, which has become practically no one, my boss is very understanding of this and has given me the day off.

And as for Monday, there are also no classes because they have a "staff development day" when teachers get updated on stuff, or catch up on work, or not really sure what they do. But that's not important, what is important is that Puppy needs attention that day. So my boss already gave me the day off, and the only thing is I'm going to need to ask for Friday morning to take Puppy to the orthodontist. So I might trade Monday for Friday morning.

Tired evening and morning

All went well yesterday...until I picked up Puppy from daycare. When I got to the daycare and waited outside the door for it to be opened I noticed something different. There was a flowerpot with dirt and cigarette buds in it. Once in the truck Puppy started asking, "Mom, can you buy me cigarettes?" And asking why not, and begging and pleading with me to buy them for him.  I can so understand how he may have seen the buds on his way in earlier, then on his way out; and this may have triggered him to think about the cigarettes, it's something that simple.

So we are headed home and talk about bad timing. I had to stop at the convenience store for breakfast items and just as I expected, it escalates to a full blown plead for me to buy cigarettes. He's screaming, tugging at my arm, and making tears to seek out sympathy. I say, "NO" and we get off the truck. He follows me like my shadow would. We go to the register and he keeps both hands in his pocket and just watches as I pay and head for the door. He follows with no more words. We are in the truck and he starts to speak. "Mom, you see how I behave?" He must have realized how he was acting earlier and remembered that his teacher told him she can see him in the truck with cameras. And if that didn't do it, I don't really care why he calmed down, just that he did. As we started driving home he started up again and continued to ask for cigarettes but in a calm tone, all the way home.

Once home he asked to go next door. I didn't allow it because he has already stolen a box of cigarettes from the neighbor and I assumed that was exactly what he had in mind. But the other neighbor was outside so I allowed that for a few minutes.  A few minutes turned into about 45 minutes before he returned home.

He was in a good mood up until I reminded him that we had to get homework done and he had to shower before bedtime. Needless to say, none of this happened the way it had played out in my head. He said a few colorful words to let me know it was a "no go" and headed up to his room. Once there, I pushed for him to shower. He started into a debate about not wanting to and how he was tired and had a fever, etc. I was already tired myself and asked one more time before walking away to ignore his actions.

While alone in his room he was in overload and bit his finger causing injury to it with his braces and the cut was enough to make it bleed. So he calls me over to his room. I walk in to see the blood all over his finger and I remember taking a deep breath to help me continue with whatever came next.

After cleaning up and getting an explanation of how he hurt himself, he begins crying with tears and begs that he has a fever and can't shower. My mind is tired from the debating and I let him change into sleepwear and tuck him into bed. I get the silence I was hoping for...until he starts calling me upstairs again.  He apologizes for his behavior, he promises to sleep and cause no more trouble.

I got my silence again and was already contemplating the morning routine being interrupted by some signs of anxiety and debate as to how he would be in trouble for not completing his homework. But then I cleared my mind and focused on my evening TV shows and went to bed tired as usual.

This morning was a repeat of the visions I had the night before. Tantrums, banging of the head on table and wall, hitting himself with closed fists, and the loud crying with tears were the scene at our home as I prepare my first cup of coffee.  He was nervous as he remembered his behavior last night and begged me not to make him go to school today. After much consoling and some lying, I promised to write a note to his teacher explaining his fever last night to excuse him from homework. But I actually wrote a note telling her how it really went down. We have a deal where whenever I tell her about incidents, she tells him she saw his on the cameras so I am not the tattle-tell and they discuss his behaviors.  I hope it goes well for him at school today. Good luck, Puppy.

Just saying

Let me start by saying, “This weekend wore me out.” I know some of you who know me and even spent time with me this weekend won’t understand. You’ll think that I took Puppy to my parents’ house and he did just fine, so why am I complaining and whining? It’s what happens behind closed doors and in our own home, and in our drives to and from here and there that are exhausting, stressful, tiring, worrisome, and even overwhelming.

Puppy has been having some strange behaviors lately. I’m blaming it a several things. One, his summer school class had to share a classroom with another group of students, so distraction and new observations took place for those four weeks. Two, even though he’s back with a familiar daycare, his routine was changed.  Three, the end of summer school was this past Thursday.  Four, he just now got the idea that he won’t go to school for a several days, but it’s actually about 6-7 weeks, I haven’t checked the school calendar for the return date. Five, going through puberty and being a teenager suck. Six, the heat and multiple days of 100 degrees as an average has not allowed him to spend those outdoor hours like he wants.  And seven, he had lower braces put in on Friday, too.

His observation skills are always at their best. So remember when I said he was recording bad words into his Mp3 a few weeks ago? Now he’s constantly saying bad words any chance he gets, any little disagreement with him triggers the mouth to spill the colorful words in both languages until he gets tired or causes self injury and distracts himself. There’s no such thing as time out because he’s outgrown it and doesn’t comply. I don’t spank him for fear he will repeat the actions since he mimics everything. And I kept myself from slapping him a million times because I know that’s abuse, plus he has braces, I see images in my head of the damage that a slap can do.  Spanking and slaps were okay when I was growing up, but now its considered abuse. Just saying.

Puppy is used to having his wallet taken away whenever he has unwanted behavior. So now he just puts it in my nightstand drawer whenever he misbehaves. He doesn’t even wait for me to ask for it. Then after an hour or longer, maybe even a day goes by, when he’s calmed down and, apologized he goes to retrieve it.

And the braces…since he had the lower braces put in place this last Friday – in almost three days Puppy has managed to wiggle his tongue in between his teeth and the wire that is on the brackets and pulled the wire out of place about nine times; and counting. Aside from learning how to put the wire back into place without light, but rather by touch, I have also learned another lesson; no more dental visits on Fridays. Just saying.

The repeating, the repeating, the repeating. Not only was Puppy repeating the foul language, he was repeating his request for hugs to Ms. H all week long. He was repeating he was going to behave because he wants presents and a birthday party in two weeks. He was repeating, "Where's Cody?" (our dog) a gazillion times.  Need I say more? Don't ask me to repeat this, please.

Today, Sunday, we woke up later than usual, which was no surprise since we went to bed at 1:30 A.M. the night before. So we stayed home and he was so anxious to leave and go somewhere, usually to my parents' so he can be outdoors. The stress of being home makes Puppy go stir crazy sometimes. Being bored caused him to cuss and then made him look for ways to upset and anger me. He went to make his cigarette box and paper cigarettes. I still pat myself on the back at how easily I can have the upper hand on knowing what he's doing when he thinks he's being so secretive. It always shocks him when I mention I know what he did. This happened twice on just Sunday alone.  He threw all his paper stuff away and apologized like always, and life went on. And we did finally go to my parents' in the mid-afternoon.

So yes, it was a long rough weekend whenever Puppy and I spent our quality time together. But actually, to be more specific, it was tantrum after tantrum and maybe a meltdown too during the last couple of weeks. I just didn't feel like writing about tantrums because it seems like I'm re-living them.  Just saying.

No news

Well my laptop seems to be dead. My brother says he might have an extra laptop he can bring down on his next visit, yeah!

Things are finally getting to a "back to normal" stage if that's even possible. But I'm mostly referring to me and work.

Overall, when it comes to Puppy, he's doing just fine these days and hasn't given me too much to write about. He finished his swimming lessons and did pretty good, and even better than I expected. He has gone back to his old daycare and the director has total control, so no mention of even the slightest tantrum while there in the afternoons.

And when it comes to our time at home...he's been struggling with repeating names and phrases. It bothers me, and also seems to catch up to him that he asks me permission to stop repeating until I remind him he all the control to do so.

I'll try to post a little more, but I might have to make stuff up because we've been awfully boring these last couple of weeks, haha. :-)

Happy Anniversary!

A year ago was a busy time for Puppy and me.  I was at a place where I had so much confusion and worry. The daycare that Puppy had been attending for after school care had just notified me that the since Puppy was turning 13 years old, he was too old for the center. I was visiting a couple of new daycare places throughout the week; and we were inviting a new person into our lives and our home. Go back in time to see how busy and crazy things were at Changing daycare facilities. 

Ms. H was the brave soul to enter through the front door with intentions of working as Puppy’s PCS (personal care services) provider, and in reality she has become the next person of only about three whom completely understand Puppy with all his good and bad days, happy and angry times, tantrums and meltdowns and the self-injury. Ms. H would be focused on Puppy’s best interests, and finding her, someone who knew what she was getting into and would be able to handle the unpredictability that comes with the disorder…well, she was Heaven sent.

Monday, June 6, 2011, was so long ago and yet a year has come and gone. Here’s a brief recap of our meeting in Monday finally came.  After just one month of what seemed longer, we sat down and I asked her if she was comfortable and if she saw herself continuing to be my support. She said yes and that she didn’t foresee any problems.  I was so glad to hear that, that I pointed out to her there was a fine-print clause in her contract which said the job was for life. I wish I could have taken a picture of her reaction; it was a surprise and a little confusing to her because I'm sure she didn't understand at the moment it was a joke to break the ice. But as time goes by, our time together has been priceless. I wouldn’t change a thing. And I definitely wouldn’t seek for a substitute for Ms. H, because honestly, there is no one else like her. We still joke about her staying with us for life and I think she even tells her friends she has a job for life. I'm so glad we are still together and I dedicate this post to her.

I want to wish Ms. H a Happy Anniversary from Puppy and me. I am grateful to you for all you do and for putting up with both Puppy and me, but mostly I treasure what a wonderful friend you are to me. Thank you.

New After School Care

So how is everyone doing? Whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, I am programmed to say, good or fine. It's rarely true though. But I know this is a general greeting and it's plain acknowledgement of your presence.

These last two weeks have been complete mental exhaustion.  That means my nights have gone with either minimum hours of sleep, tossing and turning or staying up late which is not my norm. It means that I can be at work and trying to read reports or documents and not being able to focus, so reading over and over has also been causing headaches.  I just went through seven days of having vertigo in various stages. Of course the worst was not being able to get out of bed or the sofa, or keeping my head against the headrest as I drive and trying not to turn too quickly, to taking medication before the symptoms worsen, to finally waking up in the morning and being able to stand without missing a step. Whatever the case, I don't know if stress was a contributor.

But it seems that I may be seeing that light after all. One of Puppy's teacher aide's has stepped up to the plate and offered to watch him after school, but only Monday through Thursday. And unfortunately she mentioned it would only be temporary until I find someone or somewhere more permanent for him. I wasn't too happy about that, but it's a start. I'm just thankful that it will be someone dependable, responsible, and a person that knows him almost as well as I do if not better. Best part is that he respects her...or fears her, not sure--still, it will be a change and a new routine.

And Puppy is still trying to adjust to having his wallet in his pocket, or his hands when he thinks no one is watching.  He's showing progress in school in that he is still maintaining his workload and focusing without having the wallet consume his attention. He has returned to his study group and no longer with the babies so his confidence has definitely increased.  We still have discussions about him wanting to modify it with paper and/or tape, but whenever I stand my ground (so not what I used to do before), he has no choice but accept my answer and accept his wallet is the way it's going to stay. I always feel like the challenge is more for me than him. Weird.

Still Searching

I’m still in search of someone to take care of Puppy after school.  This has not been easy. I had received notice that a Teacher's Assistant was willing to take on the task, but here we are…Tuesday, a week after we his last meltdown at daycare; and no contact has been made.  I would be knocking down her door or making her phone ring all day if I had this information on her, but none was given; only she’s willing to do it. She has a funny way of showing me she want's the job.

I guess for now there’s not too much more to report.  Puppy is doing fine with his wallet.  He’s tried to modify it once by adding an extra flip-it like an ID pocket, but after going over the rules—it didn’t come with one, it doesn’t need one—he removed it. He's been rather calm because my boss gave me Wednesday-Friday off from work last week to care for Puppy myself because he understood it's not something that can be managed overnight.

And I know my postings are about Puppy, but I’m going to throw in that I have been losing sleep for days now, and I am grinding my teeth whenever I do get sleep. To make matters worse, I’ve had a case of vertigo for 5 days! Okay, okay I’ll stop complaining. I’m just so tired lately and I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Lord, grant me more patience and strength to get through this bump in the road. Amen.

Now what?

I stayed home with Puppy yesterday. No,  he's not ill with a cold or flu.  Puppy had another meltdown hitting fist on table, pushing chairs, screaming foul language, and cause self-injury at daycare on Tuesday. So this time I was nicely asked if I had considered any other options for Puppy's after school care.

This week however, he was scheduled to be there all week for full days during his Spring Break vacation, which is for all schools around. This being said, there were extra kids at the daycare that normally would not be there, and the daycare had set up the entire week of events themed in western style activities. They had stacks of hay set up throughout the daycare and asked parents were asked to dress the kids in western attire all week. They were having picnics in the classrooms, dances, and a petting zoo set for tomorrow, Friday. Today, the older kids were going on a field trip to a park for a city wide fly-a-kite day, and Puppy was ready to go as well.

The daycare employee told me that she had spoken to Puppy's classroom teacher and she mentioned that she was now afraid of him and his tantrums, and mentioned she was concerned about whether she would be able to handle Puppy outdoors in the park along with other kids. To be honest, I was also considering asking the daycare to leave him in the classroom for the same reasons. There isn't a single staff member that I am aware of with any knowledge or background in caring for special needs children. The teachers have their basic CPR certifications and medical kits in the classrooms, but I don't think it goes further than that.

I don't know the complete details of the event, but I knew it was coming. We were lucky to have gone this far along with support from the daycare, 10 months! So the search has started and I'm seeking out a brave individual or probably a teacher aide familiar with special needs kids to hire for Puppy's care while I'm at work. The search isn't easy and because everyone is out on break, some with out-of-town trips, it has been hard to make contact. But for right now, I am glad to be taking a break from work myself and spending some time with Puppy. And right now, I think we'll go fly a kite.

Stuff in His Pockets

It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write lately.  It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about.  I have plenty to write about.  It just takes me a while to collect my thoughts for a new post. Now where do I start?  Let’s try Thursday, February 23.

I had allowed Puppy to wear a watch to school with the conditions that if he messed with it or wasn’t able to focus on his school work, his teacher was going to take it from him.   Puppy also went to school with $15 for the book fair.  He likes going every year and looks for mostly picture books.  He was also excited about going because he knows that they usually sell other trinkets that he can choose from like erasers, pencils, magnets, etc.  The kind of things he can carry in his pockets. 

Puppy’s teacher went over to our home on Thursday as part of our in-home training. I had a few errands to run so Ms. H picked up Puppy from daycare and took him home; where his teacher was waiting for them.  It started off just fine.  Luckily she had good news to report. He did pretty well and the watch was never brought to his attention. Puppy went to the book fair and bought his book and an eraser.

That was in school under the watchful eye of his teacher and the TAs in his classroom.  Apparently, once he was off the bus and at daycare, he removed the watch from his wrist to place it in his pocket.  It’s just a need he has to carry something in his pockets.  I think it was Ms. H whom noticed he wasn’t wearing it and signaled him by pointing at her wrist.  His teacher caught on and asked for it.  One small problem though.  The watch wasn’t the only thing in his pockets. This was not going to end well.  He had purchased a letter sized soft paperback book about how to draw motorcycles.  The problem was that he had folded it as small as he could to also place in his back pocket (you know, to make an impression of a fat wallet).  Well he took it out and his teacher must have drilled him before I arrived because it was tense in the house. Once I was seated, he proceeded to tell me what he had done and his teacher said that his consequences would be spending time at the library helping fix books and magazines.  He didn’t seem to have a problem with it and was apologetic the remainder of the evening. 

Puppy didn’t have classes on Friday or Monday, so Tuesday will be the day to fulfill his consequence.  Now we had a long weekend to manage.  I was not looking forward to this.

All Blown Out of Proportion

We are still at the daycare.  I went to pick up Puppy from his daycare on Friday.  I took a deep breath and proceeded to open the door to his classroom.  I signed him out and caught a glimpse of his teacher holding a binder and pen from across the doorway.   She saw me and quickly came over to say we needed to talk privately.  I followed her outdoors.  She begins by saying, “You know what I’m going to tell you, right?”  I whispered back, “That you are going to ask us to leave the daycare.” I felt a little relief when she giggled and answered, “No, of course not.”  And then I patiently stood there as she continued to explain the events as they happened on Friday.

Guess what?  It wasn’t as badly as the other teacher had made it out to be.  There was some truth to the story but he didn’t try to strike anyone, he was swinging to hit himself.  Yes, he did scream the “f” word at everyone, but this was not a first.  He did cause self-injury, but not anything severe and similar actions his teacher had seen before.  So what I got from all this is that the teacher who gave Ms. H the initial report is not Puppy’s full-time teacher and was unfamiliar with his tantrums.  It was blown out of proportion on Thursday and now I had the complete story first-hand from his teacher.  I was asked to sign the incident report and all was fine. And by the way, Puppy had a good day at daycare Friday.

Daycare or No Daycare?

Remember those two good days I wrote about?  Yesterday just cancelled them out.

It’s difficult to understand what is going on in Puppy’s mind.  I have no idea how he interprets information, reasons with situations that arise, or satisfies his needs to comprehend.

Thursday started off on the right foot and he was ready to begin his day.  He went to school on the bus and was even early for it.  When the teacher doesn’t text me throughout the day, I can only assume he’s doing well. Like every weekday, after the bell rings, Puppy is bussed to the daycare where he spends about 3 hours a day.  I had an errand to run after work and I ask Ms. H to pick him up for me and take him home.

I get a call from Ms. H telling me he’s in the car with her and he’s fine.  But his teacher needs to talk to me the today.  Puppy had a tantrum at daycare.   He blew up, the pressure caught up to him. I can only guess it was building from not having anything to carry in his pockets. From not being able to use paper. These are my guesses, but he tells me it's that there are too many little kids. The story is he was doing homework, then without warning he yells, curses, hits his head on the table, punches the table and even tried to strike the two teachers in the room.  So far this has been the worst episode at daycare.  He’s had small tantrums with foul language and some self-injury, but never the striking at people.  I truly feel this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and I’m going to be asked to leave the daycare with my son.  I hope I’m wrong, but they aren’t staffed with experienced personnel to handle a child with autism.  They were kind enough to give it a try.  Especially since the good days greatly outweigh the bad ones.

Before I went home, I got on the phone with his teacher and relayed what had happened.  With both of us confused, I asked if she had any suggestions for me.  I may have to find an alternative to after school care.  I’ll keep you posted on what happens when I pick him up from daycare today.  Cross finger and toes we don’t get kicked out.